Hope they don't drown me...

I miss the destruction. I used to thrive on the obliteration of everything around me. I have that same old feeling. The yearning for destruction. I've always been a mess and right at the moment where I think I might clean up I start to get dirt on my clothes. I guess I should face the facts. I can't keep a grasp on my ever changing reality. I put on the face of composure and act like I understand every thought that I would think. It seems I've become more and more complexed by them lately. I can't label each individual thing I think as thoughts. They always seem to morph and evolve inside of me and then I become troubled by them. These thoughts are what was leading me to destruction. What I thought was surpressed is now breaking above the water line. Hope they don't drown me.