Hearts and Souls and Why I wear hats

You know...I fancy myself to be someone who has a soul and a heart. One of the few on earth who have both. I've fought back and forth between what it takes to have both individually and what one must do to achieve both and I've found that I do not in fact have either. I'm rare... despicable really. I mean, every human must have at least one but I have neither. I thought at one point that I was a soulless heart who was destined to fall in love with a heartless soul but I see now that I don't deserve such a thing. I'll elaborate of course. A heart. It's all about feeling pain, happiness and so forth. I don't feel. I'm numb. I've had moments, you know though. Where I thought I might have a heart but it's all mirrors. I'm imitating what it takes to have a heart. Following the crowd... A soul though is far more tricky. See a soul is what life is all about. You feel warmth when your cold and feel a cooling breeze when your hot. That's a soul. Without a soul your an empty shell. You feel nothing. A soul is far more rare than a heart. Your born with a heart and over time that heart can deteriorate or grow stronger. Depends upon the person really, but a soul is something you find. Now, it can be found anywhere and sometimes it can be found in multiple places. I have a soul out there and I have truly found it...twice to be exact, but I lost it both times. I was never able to keep a hold of it... Now my heart, I was born with that vital organ but it seems my heart imploded. It couldn't bear the weight that I was putting on it so with all the pressure it collapsed. It's sad I know but I wouldn't know if it wasn't for my understanding of what happened. I feel empty most days...